Spent another Saturday at Adoption Horizons with Becky, Cindy and one other couple.
Today, we met Cindy's son who she adopted as an infant and is now an adult with his own children. He talked about growing up in a family where adoption was just a part of his story. He had met his biological mother once as a child but has never wanted to pursue a relationship with her. Cindy was his mom and due to her involvement in helping others build their families through adoption he felt normal. He wished us all luck with our adoptions and was very encouraging and was sorry there is so much paper work and waiting involved.
We also met a woman who has adopted two children from China but also has two biological children. She shared her story with us about how the first adoption, a baby girl, was everything she dreamed and went smoothly. She decided to adopt again before China's new restrictions went into place and was looking through profiles like John and I did and saw a face and knew that was her child. He was an older child, and his adoption was very different. He was a big challenge, trying to overcome the language barrier and developing trust.
Becky also e-mailed me our home study for me to read and approve. Looks good so I think we should be able to send it to BAAS on Monday.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Why China? Part I
The journey to Youhua and China has been a winding road. When I first went to Adoptions Horizons' Meet the Agency Night, Becky and Cindy asked me about what kind of adoption I was interested in pursuing. I originally said Fost Adopt. After learning about the different options John and I went round and round trying to figure out what was best for us. There are so many pros and cons to Fost Adopt versus Intercountry. Many of the children on California's waiting child list have moderate to severe special needs and are often older children. The children still have ties to their biological families and may still be going through reconciliation. I imagined that we could Fost Adopt a child where the courts have severed custody with the biological parent(s) but I didn't think we could foster a child with the intention of having a permanent relationship and then have the child taken away.
John and I, mainly with encouragement from Cindy chose Intercountry. Perhaps, if we weren't childless then Fost Adopt would be the way to go but we really need a younger, healthier child. I thought that I would get more guidance on Intercountry adoption but pretty much I had to do my own research. What I found was also pretty discouraging. Many countries are currently closed to international adoption due to the Hague convention (see previous post on Hague). Also, John and I didn't qualify for many countries because we haven't been married long enough etc. Some countries only allow parents of the same origin to adopt, for example, India. Some countries are prohibitively expensive, for example, Russia.
I went back to Cindy and asked for some help and she pointed me towards BAAS, Heartsent, and ILAN. I called BAAS and was told that Humboldt County was outside of their service area so I moved on. Heartsent sent me an information packet on their Taiwan program and on ILAN's Ethiopia program. Again, John and I weren't married long enough for Taiwan but Heartsent told me that an exception might be made for the older child program, children 2 and older. John and I discussed the possibility of adopting a black child and at first I was pushing for Ethiopia. Then, I read online about suspected child stealing and bribery in Ethiopia. I just couldn't adopt a child if there is a possibility that they were taken from their own family for money. Then I read that Ethiopia was requiring two trips and that just made the cost twice as much. Last March, the State Department issued an alert to be aware of possible fraud. This solidified my decision to not consider Ethiopia any longer.
In the meantime, Cindy told of us of a birth mother that she wanted us to meet. To be continued...
John and I, mainly with encouragement from Cindy chose Intercountry. Perhaps, if we weren't childless then Fost Adopt would be the way to go but we really need a younger, healthier child. I thought that I would get more guidance on Intercountry adoption but pretty much I had to do my own research. What I found was also pretty discouraging. Many countries are currently closed to international adoption due to the Hague convention (see previous post on Hague). Also, John and I didn't qualify for many countries because we haven't been married long enough etc. Some countries only allow parents of the same origin to adopt, for example, India. Some countries are prohibitively expensive, for example, Russia.
I went back to Cindy and asked for some help and she pointed me towards BAAS, Heartsent, and ILAN. I called BAAS and was told that Humboldt County was outside of their service area so I moved on. Heartsent sent me an information packet on their Taiwan program and on ILAN's Ethiopia program. Again, John and I weren't married long enough for Taiwan but Heartsent told me that an exception might be made for the older child program, children 2 and older. John and I discussed the possibility of adopting a black child and at first I was pushing for Ethiopia. Then, I read online about suspected child stealing and bribery in Ethiopia. I just couldn't adopt a child if there is a possibility that they were taken from their own family for money. Then I read that Ethiopia was requiring two trips and that just made the cost twice as much. Last March, the State Department issued an alert to be aware of possible fraud. This solidified my decision to not consider Ethiopia any longer.
In the meantime, Cindy told of us of a birth mother that she wanted us to meet. To be continued...
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Motivations
It's weird but somehow I knew I would be an adoptive parent since I was a child. I can't explain but there is an episode of One Day at a Time where Valerie Bertinelli's character Barbara is faced with infertility and that episode stayed with me. I looked it up and the final season aired in 1983 so I was 11 years old.
I wasn't faced with the reality until I was 27 and I underwent a myomectomy for uterine fibroids. I had multiple fibroids throughout my uterus and while the surgeon reconstructed my uterus he told me that my fallopian tubes were blocked and I would be left with lots of scar tissue as well as the possibility of the same problem in the future. He consoled me that I could have children with a surrogate. What I was left with was a lot of uncertainly. I grieved for a time but since I wasn't in a relationship there was no need to pursue having a baby.
When I met John in 2006, I worried about telling him that I could probably not have children. There was no need to worry because John wasn't sure he wanted children anyway. Our first year of marriage was a whirlwind with graduating from nursing school, learning how to be a med/surg nurse, buying a house, the illnesses and deaths of both of my grandfather's, as well as being newlyweds. The following year I changed jobs and my focus was on learning how to be a surgical nurse. Then, summer of 2009, I started feeling that I needed my own family. I was very close with my niece Allyson when she was little but since moving to Humboldt for nursing school I only got to see her a few times a year.
When I worked at Sempervirens, SV, in 2006-07, I worked with a nurse who had adopted a little girl from China. It was a "wow" moment for me and the possibility of adoption seemed real. The SV nurse would show me the pictures he would get from China while they were waiting for their travel letter. At this time in 2006, Adoptions from China were at a peak and it took less than 24 months to adopt a non-special needs child. Today, it takes 4 to 5 years to adopt a non-special needs child from China. Currently, special needs children are popular because the adoption times are significantly shorter and what China considers special needs are fairly minor.
I had heard of Adoption Horizons and sent them an e-mail requesting some information. I told John about it and let him kind of stew. I would bring it up from time to time to gauge his thoughts. Sometimes he would tell me that it would be nice to have someone to take care of and other times he would tell me that he doesn't want children. This was a big challenge. Trying to convince John to get on board and convey the depth of my feelings without forcing it on him. After some discussions we went to the Meet the Agency night and got more information on adoption. Last spring we signed up.
So then begins our journey with Adoption Horizons and how we ended up choosing China.
I wasn't faced with the reality until I was 27 and I underwent a myomectomy for uterine fibroids. I had multiple fibroids throughout my uterus and while the surgeon reconstructed my uterus he told me that my fallopian tubes were blocked and I would be left with lots of scar tissue as well as the possibility of the same problem in the future. He consoled me that I could have children with a surrogate. What I was left with was a lot of uncertainly. I grieved for a time but since I wasn't in a relationship there was no need to pursue having a baby.
When I met John in 2006, I worried about telling him that I could probably not have children. There was no need to worry because John wasn't sure he wanted children anyway. Our first year of marriage was a whirlwind with graduating from nursing school, learning how to be a med/surg nurse, buying a house, the illnesses and deaths of both of my grandfather's, as well as being newlyweds. The following year I changed jobs and my focus was on learning how to be a surgical nurse. Then, summer of 2009, I started feeling that I needed my own family. I was very close with my niece Allyson when she was little but since moving to Humboldt for nursing school I only got to see her a few times a year.
When I worked at Sempervirens, SV, in 2006-07, I worked with a nurse who had adopted a little girl from China. It was a "wow" moment for me and the possibility of adoption seemed real. The SV nurse would show me the pictures he would get from China while they were waiting for their travel letter. At this time in 2006, Adoptions from China were at a peak and it took less than 24 months to adopt a non-special needs child. Today, it takes 4 to 5 years to adopt a non-special needs child from China. Currently, special needs children are popular because the adoption times are significantly shorter and what China considers special needs are fairly minor.
I had heard of Adoption Horizons and sent them an e-mail requesting some information. I told John about it and let him kind of stew. I would bring it up from time to time to gauge his thoughts. Sometimes he would tell me that it would be nice to have someone to take care of and other times he would tell me that he doesn't want children. This was a big challenge. Trying to convince John to get on board and convey the depth of my feelings without forcing it on him. After some discussions we went to the Meet the Agency night and got more information on adoption. Last spring we signed up.
So then begins our journey with Adoption Horizons and how we ended up choosing China.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
First Day of Required Education Completed
John and I started our day at 9 am at Adoption Horizons. There we met with Cindy and Becky and one other couple to start our required ten hours of parent training. The Hague Treaty requires ten hours of parent education. Definition alert:
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Finishing up Homestudy
My brother Ryan tells me that when I have a blog that I need to update it daily. Well, I really don't have that much to say and I've looked at other blogs and some are updated daily and others are updated as events develop.
This last week John and I finally, after three weeks, got our physical exams done with all the labs including peeing in a cup. I mention this because John didn't realize that it's not as simple as peeing in a cup, it's a several step process. The lab even provides instructions, which he didn't read. Good thing his urinalysis came out normal. One other piece of paper was a real bear to procure, verification of John's job and salary. Firstly, just trying to get John to take the paper to work took days, then getting John to give it to the right person at work took days upon days. Finally, he just filled it out himself so all someone at the Post Office had to do was sign it. There was some discussion about whether it had to be sent to San Francisco, argghhh. Finally, last week someone at the Eureka office signed it, I was threatening to go in there myself.
I wanted to turn in the last of the paper work for our homestudy at Adoption Horizons but there wasn't anyone there Thursday or Friday so I will try again on Monday. Then our Social Worker, Becky, can finish the rough draft of our homestudy and send it to Bay Area Adoption Services, BAAS, to be proof read. They could take up to two weeks but they seem to do things more quickly than they state in their instructions. Once it gets the thumbs up from BAAS we can send it to the State Department to see if John and I are eligible to adopt internationally. This is the I-800A form. We will then be fingerprinted for the third time. From reading other blogs this process takes about 3 weeks. Hopefully, we can send our dossier to China, DTC, in February. China will then send a notice that they have received our DTC and we will get a log in date, LID. There are more milestones and forms to fill out. As we move through this process I will update the blog and explain what it means.
One of the questions I get asked a lot is what is the next step and I have answered that above. The next question is when will we be going to China? I have joined a couple of Yahoo groups and read blogs of other families going through various stages of this process and from what I can tell, this summer seems likely. John and I already have our passports and I've invited my mom and grandmother. My mom has an expired passport but she can't find it since she moved to Eureka from Davis. Grama has a passport but I think she is concerned about the cost.
In another post I will talk about our motivations to adopt and why internationally.
This last week John and I finally, after three weeks, got our physical exams done with all the labs including peeing in a cup. I mention this because John didn't realize that it's not as simple as peeing in a cup, it's a several step process. The lab even provides instructions, which he didn't read. Good thing his urinalysis came out normal. One other piece of paper was a real bear to procure, verification of John's job and salary. Firstly, just trying to get John to take the paper to work took days, then getting John to give it to the right person at work took days upon days. Finally, he just filled it out himself so all someone at the Post Office had to do was sign it. There was some discussion about whether it had to be sent to San Francisco, argghhh. Finally, last week someone at the Eureka office signed it, I was threatening to go in there myself.
I wanted to turn in the last of the paper work for our homestudy at Adoption Horizons but there wasn't anyone there Thursday or Friday so I will try again on Monday. Then our Social Worker, Becky, can finish the rough draft of our homestudy and send it to Bay Area Adoption Services, BAAS, to be proof read. They could take up to two weeks but they seem to do things more quickly than they state in their instructions. Once it gets the thumbs up from BAAS we can send it to the State Department to see if John and I are eligible to adopt internationally. This is the I-800A form. We will then be fingerprinted for the third time. From reading other blogs this process takes about 3 weeks. Hopefully, we can send our dossier to China, DTC, in February. China will then send a notice that they have received our DTC and we will get a log in date, LID. There are more milestones and forms to fill out. As we move through this process I will update the blog and explain what it means.
One of the questions I get asked a lot is what is the next step and I have answered that above. The next question is when will we be going to China? I have joined a couple of Yahoo groups and read blogs of other families going through various stages of this process and from what I can tell, this summer seems likely. John and I already have our passports and I've invited my mom and grandmother. My mom has an expired passport but she can't find it since she moved to Eureka from Davis. Grama has a passport but I think she is concerned about the cost.
In another post I will talk about our motivations to adopt and why internationally.
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