It's been two weeks since our dossier went to China and we should be hearing that it has been logged in anytime. Except, Xiaoqing is out of town for a few days so we probably won't hear anything until she returns. I've been feeling pretty blue the last couple of days. This whole thing seems so distant. It's like Thomas is just a picture and not real yet. I think I won't be able to get his room ready until travel is more immediate. When we were in Sacramento two weeks ago, we did buy some kid stuff at IKEA, it's a start.
A couple weeks ago or so I ran into my new friend, who also cannot have children, and she shared with me how she is around all these pregnant women and how difficult it is. I told her that I just try not to think about it. Kinda lame advice. I do pretty well at ignoring my feelings on the subject and telling the people I know who are pregnant how happy I am for them. When I circulate c-sections I make sure the baby is okay after it is delivered, but then I keep busy tidying up the OR, charting, counting, etc. I hate OB. I barely notice when the neonatal nurse leaves with the baby. Another friend just had a baby and at first I'm excited for her but then the self pity sets in. I feel the stabbing pain inside that I don't share so as not to spoil things. Oddly, I love baby showers.
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